Charlie Farlie cat detective, how I miss you xxxxx

It's been two years since my little fur baby Charlie left this earth. The night of May 20th 2007 Charlie was having enormous trouble breathing. I couldn't contact the vet, so I stayed awake all night with her on my bed. I feared that every shallow and desperate breath would be her last. At 8am I rushed her to the vets, got back home and got the kids to school. The vet called me a few hours later, informing me that my beautiful Russian Blue baby probably had a pulmonary tumour. I was knocked for six. The vet was very understanding, explained what they would and could do to treat her in the short term without needing to do anything invasive. So many thoughts and questions went through my head...was I being a tight arse to not want to contemplate all these tests, surgeries etc. Did I really want them to have to cut her open, only to find that she was riddled with cancer???? I was fighting all the demons in my mind. I cried to the Vet over the phone.....it was all so much to take in. One minute she was my Charlie Koala, eating, drinking, cuddling....the next she is dying. That night she stayed in the vet hospital and it was painful. Charlie was put in an oxygen tank to help her breathe. Tracy and I went down to see her and it broke my bloody heart. She heard my voice and wanted to get out of the tank. I almost could not leave that night. The news in the morning was positive. She was breathing on her own and happier in herself. Then I got a call just before lunch. Not good news. Charlie was unable to use her back legs. It appeared that she had developed a clot....no matter how long we left her, the clot would eventually kill her. The decision had essentially been made for me in regard to all the tests, operations etc....my baby was going to die.

I drove to the vet hospital (God knows how) and sat by Charlie's cage, hoping and willing her to stand up and walk to me. What faced me broke my heart. She was trying to crawl to me using her front legs......she was panting....she looked so sad. I have photos of Charlie during this time but I can't bear to put them up here. I just can't look at them, even two years later. At this point the Vet asked me if I would like to be present when Charlie was put to sleep. I was in two minds, but didn't want Charlie to be on her own. Lucy the Vet was fantastic, she explained everything to me......handed me tissue after tissue after tissue. I held Charlie....I told her that it was all going to be ok, she was sooooo loved.......Lucy injected Charlie......and then she left us. It was scary and totally devastating for me....I had just lost my best friend of 12 years. She had been my unconditional love. My confidante. We depended on each other. Lucy put Charlie back into the cage and covered her with a blanket but so I could see her head and face. I sat on the cold, bare floor and sobbed my heart out. I cried and cried and cried. All the other animals looked at me puzzled (probably thinking 'Those humans are so odd') I wanted to stay there forever, I wanted to never leave this place without my Charlie. In a conversation to my wonderfully sympathetic Mum (who knew and loved Charlie) earlier that day, she had so kindly offered to pay for Charlie's cremation by 'Pets At Peace'......so I somehow got myself off the floor and to the front desk.....and there I stayed crying for another hour or so......I had to fight myself to not go back into the treatment area where I knew they would have put Charlie into a cardboard box or something similar (although I begged the staff to be 'gentle' with Charlie after I left) I think I cried for at least 6 months after Charlie left us. Getting her ashes was a difficult night. The kids and I cried for an hour or so. Pets At Peace were so wonderful, I almost felt guilty of using them as a counselling service. The vet hospital was also great. My kids were really angry at me for not letting them say goodbye to Charlie......so I took Sorcha to the cage where Charlie was, and she met the vet that looked after Charlie.....it was a bit of closure for her I think.

I guess most of you are thinking 'Oh she was just a cat' and I have to disagree! To you, she may have been 'just a cat' but to me, she was the world! Charlie came to me at a very chaotic time in my life....she came down from Qld with me and went through all the ups and downs that I went through. We moved a few times, she dealt with it most of the time........she always got pissed off if I went away (would ignore me for a few days after I got home) She was the only living thing in my life that could tolerate me...and still give me cuddles even if I was a cranky bitch.

Charlie Farlie......Charlie Koala......cat detective......I will never stop loving you or missing you. You made such a difference in my life. People who don't have animals will not understand the bond that we had.....and that is ok....I even miss you prodding my stomach until it bled! You will never be forgotten xxxxxxxxxxxx